In Awe
My family and I were recently traveling cross-country to a family members wedding. It was an arduous journey, but it gave me a bit of distance from the daily grind and an opportunity to hear God’s voice. The following is an excerpt from one of my journal entries while on the trip. The experience had some teeth and I suspect it might for you also. Enjoy!
I stood at the edge of the 10th green at a country club I did not know the name of, in a city in Michigan I had never been to, and I was in awe. My family and I had driven up to attend my cousin’s wedding that was located in the plush landscape of Lake Michigan and we had been given a room at the guest lodge of the country club. One morning I walked out as my wife and kids were still asleep in our room. I had a steaming, hot cup of coffee and my intention was to get a glimpse of this golf course that I wish I had the invitation to play on. I was in awe. Initially I was in awe because of the wonderful shape this course was in. Not a divot in sight. And the layout of the hole I was on was something that you might see in Golf Magazine. I strolled down the fairway becoming more and more enamored by sculptured cart paths, the manicured fairways and the implicit challenge to be the next Tiger Woods. In these moments when I either don’t have the opportunity or can not afford it (which happened to be both) I use my imagination of what it would be like to play. I stand at the white tees and pull out my driver…wait a minute, I think a 3 wood might work here. Ok, I pull out my 3 wood, tee up my ball, take a practice swing or two. I line my ball up with my feet, remembering the 30 second commercial I had seen on TV advertising for a full length golf tutorial. They said line up my feet, so I lined up my feet. I affirm myself with words like, “You’re a champion†and “You can do itâ€. Then I self-actualize my shot. I imagine my ball landing exactly where I want it to land. I think I had seen that on TV somewhere too.
Anyway, somewhere in the middle of my golf fantasy I feel a warmth on my bald head and I realize the sun is starting to come up. I look up to see the intrusion and I am blown back. I am in awe. Not so much because of the sun, but because of the surrounding backdrop. For the first time I saw mountains and valleys and individual trees that just minutes before were clumps of green haze. A wave of disgust washes over me. In a millisecond I realize that my morning’s affections have been grossly misplaced. I was in awe of a golf course. A golf course! More specifically I was awestruck with the way humanity could shape earth into something so appealing. Curved sidewalks, trimmed grass and water fountains that were made to look like boulders captured my heart. How clever! My appetite was shown to be shallow.
For a few minutes I sat on the edge of creation watching it seemingly be re-created. The sun slowly rose from it’s slumber—creeping above the crest of a forest of trees. Cascading rays of oranges and yellows fell to the awaiting creatures below. The ridge that once seemed lifeless was now full of texture and shape. Blacks now faded into lush greens. Lilies that hung as a necklace around the perimeter of the forest now came into view. This whole scene, looking back, feels something like a person that was born with sight. He had engaged life with all five senses for a time. Yet a terrible accident had ripped that gift from him. One day, however, his sight is restored. What would he notice first? A high-rise? A two ton F 150? No! Beauty. Creation. A flower.
As this encounter began to unfold before me I realized several things. First, I was alone. No one was up yet. I was the sole audience for this show that was nothing less than miraculous. To be honest, I hadn’t yet processed what God was doing. I mean, certainly the solar clock was going to continue to tick and tock whether I stood there or not. Yet it seemed as if God were bringing me back to a reality that I had forgotten–a reality that was filled with beauty, life, texture, and surprise. Life, real life is not cemented in time tables, computers and conferences. Life is the anticipation of a new day to live and be alive. Life is not about creating or shaping what is before us. Life is a seed planted in creation and we are eager for the sun to make it’s appearance. Even more so, I have come to understand that this reality is full of competing distractions. “Look down, look away, but don’t set your sights on life, adventure, growth.†I wonder how often I have enjoyed the second-rate satisfaction of a façade (golf course), when all the while God was offering to remove the veil to engage me in the wilds of reality. The last thing I am learning is that as each new day dawns, that day will eventually end. I have a limited amount of opportunity to seize my divine moments—whether it be to enjoy creation, give comfort to a friend or sit quietly with a cup of coffee. Each new day fades giving way to another and another and another. Today, I will live!